No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
