Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
