Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
