walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
God, I missed his penis.
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