My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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