Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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