maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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