i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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