Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
