I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
