you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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