let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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