when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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