Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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