wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
