one might say we're banned from that church
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
