We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what day is it and did you see me today?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
