I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
