Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So vagazzling was a success
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
