i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
