i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
