i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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