I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
