normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
