Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
