I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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