Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
