Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
