Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
