so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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