i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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