you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
