Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
