so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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