She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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