this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
