just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
