70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
