Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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