Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
