I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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