Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
