i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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