Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
