I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
