Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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