somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
