You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
