you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He has the fingertips of a God
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