He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
