First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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