they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Found the puke drawer
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
