is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
