so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she peed on how many people?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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