Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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